5J A Story Like the Wind

Year 3, 4, and 6 - Please comment / leave feedback on the stories below. Please use the animal names in your comment so we know which story your comment is about. Thanks! ; )

54 responses
Cheetah I really liked your story. I liked how you described the characters. * Well paragraphed * Some interesting vocabulary T - keep tense the same
— Usain Bolt
tiger your story was awesome I really enjoyed it * well paragraphed * very well described I could see a vivid imagre in my head T-try to make more complex sentences
— dec
flamingo it sounded like coco the movie and my little pony and candy land combined but apart from that it had good description good charcters but it was very random :)
— supreme catty ripndip
Dear Snow leopard, I really liked your story. You have used a brilliant use of vocabulary and even though I'm in America hosting the Late Late Show, it's nice to read things back in England. Coming from a show where I do an awful lot of reading, I am entitled to let you know that you need to work on "new speaker new line". I absolutely love your story, especially how you made the girl a gymnast. Also, don't forget, you need to make sure you explain more parts of the story. Develop it, seeing as it's quite listy at the moment. I hope you're not to busy at school to see this comment! I would love to have you read this on The Late Late Show sometime, but you're very far away! It was a pleasure to read this story. Get it edited and corrected and you'll be a star writer in no time! Many Thanks, James Corden
— James Corden
Snowshoo- A very good story I loved the plot. I feel as though you could have described how Max felt with his new found powers. Very good Vocab. I could see everything.
— DanTDM
Labrador I liked your story because it was interesting and full of adventure but parts of it were quite confusing *the description was amazing *I like the way it was full of adventure T- less violence
— Gill Lewis
turtle I really liked your story and the beginning was good * I liked your starter * the punctuation was good T-The ending was a bit rushed :-)
— Jake Paul
Dear Puma I love your story, your opening paragraph was brilliant. You used a good variety of openers. Love the fact that the story is a carrot called Hetti, good thinking! I was a bit confused that Hetti was in a basket, then in a kitchen, then in the Olympics! I think it would be better if you Dear Puma I love your story, your opening paragraph was brilliant. You used a good variety of openers. Love the fact that the story is a carrot called Hetti, good thinking! I was a bit confused that Hetti was in a basket, then in a kitchen, then in the Olympics! I think it would be better if you read it, develop it and then it can be amazing! Keep writing. Many Thanks, Dan Reynolds
— Dan Reynolds
Well done lizard I really liked your story (and that counts as a lot as I am a baby) +Lots of amazing vocab +Good plot -Even though you included the wind I think you could have talked about it more. Suck Suck
— Maggie Simpson
Neanderthal I liked your opening paragraph. It built tension throughout the piece. The ending was a bit disappointing as Fred just fell asleep and then woke up.
— supreme scare face101
Chihuahua- * very nice story. the story basics on characters were very well done as well * as your metaphors on animals. T- maybe you could give us a description on the characters
— Adele
To Husky T-Always remember to close your speech T-Remember to explain who your characters are *Good imagination *Good paragraphing From the one and only Russell Brand
— Russell Brand
Dear The Cat t- Try to avoid the word suddenly all the time. * I like your use of paragraphs. * I also like the use of comers. Many Thanks Len Goodman
— Len Goodman
Dear Miss/Mr Wolf, First of all, I am only being nice so you will VOTE TRUMP! Your story was really interesting. I loved the use of bold text to show emphasis on the onomatopoeias. You could tell how Holly was feeling by her actions, and you told me what she looks like without much description, which makes the story sound a lot better as you can picture her doing everything. Your sentence starters are all different and unique; they fit in well with what's going on. On the other hand, I think that it's slightly hard to keep up with what's going on, as Holly's walking across the road and then suddenly she's up in the air with babies crying around her - slightly confusing/random. Where are the guns coming from? However, if you made the transition between the 3rd and 4th paragraphs slightly less confusing, you could probably enter it for 500 Words if you want to... Remember to #votetrump! Yours Sincerely, Donald Trump, President of the USA (P.S Please sign my online petition to build a wall. VOTE TRUMP!)
— DONALD TRUMP
To Rabbit I thought your piece of writing was amazing . I loved it at the beginning were your character gets lost from there parents during the sand storm. I got a bit confused when the imaginary friend just started attacking everybody in the neighbour hood. You could also describe your characters more so people get a better idea of what they look like. Overall it sounds like you thought this story through really well and I would definitely read this again. Many Thanks, Ariana Grande.
— Ariana Grande
PUG *I like the characters and how you used them *I like how you described the feelings of the characters -T maybe not using as many explanation marks all on the same word EG: (YAY!!!!!) Great Story Georgia Toffolo A model :)
— Georgia Toffolo
I like the bit where the unicorn jumped in the story Here are some target * make your ideas controlled - I got a bit confused
— Daniel Radcliffe
HOWLER MONKEY, I really liked your story, but sometimes it was quite confusing. * Well described. * I like how they are reunited at the end. T- Possibly make it make a bit more sense Kind Regards, Queen Elizabeth the II
— Her Majesty The Queen
Camen *I like how the main character is the god of wind and gets bullied then gets revenge on him. *I like how he finds his powers when he was much older. Try to put the paragraphs in the right place.
— Eminem
Cool goat I like your story it had lots of good vocab and a very interesting plot but I think it had a little to much vocab. Teddy enjoyed it to. Wait a minute where is teddy?
— Mr Bean
Ferret- I liked you're story a lot, though I was slightly confused with the first line. I enjoyed the idea of the story and thought it was very cleaver. Target- make sure it makes sense! The description was incredible but the thing I enjoyed the most were the similes and metaphors. My favourite part was when your character looked after the babies and turned good. Overall I thought your story was incredible. From- your duff hero, Homer Simpson. (P.S. I had to search up what a ferret was.)
— Homer Simpson
To Elephant What a great story Elephant. good punctuation and vocabulary. Apparently you have to have something about wind and you said that about the leaves. Your story is so good I have nothing bad except for the the end it was a little rushed. I like that it is a good ending and its a bout gymnastics. Your sincerely David Williams
— David Walliams
Dear Unicorn I found that unlike most of the stories it made sense although the second paragraph was a bit confusing. Altogether I found this story was an amazing idea and I think one day it could become a fantastic book (only if you want to be an author). I like the ending and how it says, "That is the end of my story but yours is just about to begin" * Brilliant starter * Good vocabulary Your target would be to make the bad things slightly longer for as soon as it has something go wrong it almost immediately turns good again. From Peppa Pig (the pig)
— Peppa Pig (the pig)
Dear koala I liked how you explained the characters also liked that there was a lot of good adjectives . I feel that you sort your paragraphs differently Great story I loved it ! from Jenifer Hudson
— Jenifer Hudson
A lot of your story was very hard to under stand but near the end it started to all fit. You need to stop skipping from place to place on each sentence, I think that affected the story line (it didn't make sense). Near the end it started to get a bit gripping though.
— Mike Tyson
Mike = Jaguar
— Mike Tyson
Gerbil Over all, your story was really good.Your line 'Charlie's thoughts whipped and danced round her heard' was amazing and I loved your 'like a bold eagle hovering over it's pray' but here are some key points about your story. *good use of paragraphs *good descriptions of characters T- use of apostrophises Great story Captain Barnacles
— Captain Barnacles (the captain of the octanauts)
panther great story although I think you should sort out punctuation and I don't get how the goals were on the roof but he could still play?
— little T
Lion great punctuation good at first but gets confusing
— Little Mix
dear cool cobra I really liked the plot of you story and the description of your character. the thing I think you could work on is you put until now but nothing happened so I think you could extend the description of the bad things. Yours Sincerely Bastille
— Bastille
to polar bear you stated with a grate sentence starter. You had good vocab and punctuation in your sentences. But at the end you got a little carried away at the end. your sincerely Richard Branson
— Richard Branson
to howler monkey I liked how you put your story out *i liked how adventurous your story was *i liked how it had a happy ending T make it have a bit more sense
— morocca
cat , your story was good but a bit strange and confusing next time make it more sense. every thing else is goo yours scincerely Australia
— Austraulia
Labrador- *I think your story was really creative *I liked that it was very descriptive target- Be less violent from kenya
— Kenya
pug-i like that its says 123 go because it makes the story better
— Iceland
Turtle-your storywas amzaing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— Crotia
I liked/found the adjectives good because you kind of did a adjective in every sentence. . I don't think you need to improve anything to me.I love your story it was really intresting
— Malta
Where were his mum and dad? I like it that he is rich.
— Belgium
Husky-I think you did really well.Your story was really intresting and I like how you called the charecters simple names.I like the names Lizzie and Henry . Well done.
— brazil
Hi wolf I love your story but some didn't make sens.
— Chilli
I love the speach Poler Bear espeshly the caramel pool.
— spain
Dear puma I like your story it is very interesting.It is very weird because how could a carrot win the Olimpyics!!!!!Found it a bit sad when it said that all of his friends got chopped up!Liked the selection of adjectives from madagascar
— madagascar
dear chiawa, i like that you put the dogs name as reco.Also i like that you put the girls name as lily because its my name!!! The sad bit is when the dog gets a robot leg.i nearlly cried.only because i love dogs.it was a amazing story,WELL DONE.keep up the good work.Always remember to DESCRIBE your characters!!!!! Your sincerely GREECE
— greece
I love love the bit where she storms to here room!
— italy
duck bill platypus-i like your story and the diamonds!
— France
Epic story I love it so much !
— portugal
Hello Cool Cobra-I love your story but one minute Toms city is sinking and then he is under a volcano but other than that it is great!!!! from Denmark
— Denmark
Snow Lepord- I like your use of various sentence starters, but at the end of some of your sentences it dosent really make sense but your vocab was quite good though. Argentina
— Argentina
Camen- *I liked that it was very descriptive *I liked that it was very creative next time introduce the characters apart from that everything was goodd signed Eygpt
— Eygpt
Tiger-your story was very interesting to read in fact it was one of the most greatest stories I have ever read and I think it would make a great entry to the 500 words competition.The only thing I would say is where it said "Oh my goodness was that a dream"I think in my words it jumps out a bit to much so mabey you could change it. Other than that I think it would probebly win.Your`s truely Jamaica.
— Jamaica
Hi koala I thought your story was really
— Mexico
Turtle-your story was amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
— Crotia
Hi Koala, I thought your story was really lively. Some of it didn't make sense and it happened a little too quickly.
— Mexico
To Flamingo I like the talking mirror. Who did she scream to? I like where it said early one scorching morning because it is a nice way to start the story.
— japan